Off the top…

Little thoughts that are rambling around in my mind:

1-It seems like the  9/11 tragedy took place yesterday.  Sounds cliche, but it is so real especially for us living in the metro NY, NJ and PA.

2-I heart Hou.se Hun.ters but really hate Ho.use Hun.ters International.

3-I want Fanta.sia’s new CD badly.  I’m trying to wait for my cousin to return my mom’s copy.  I know as soon as I purchase it, it will show up.

4-Don’t know if I’m interested in RHOA.

5-I prefer twitter over facebook.

6-Speaking of facebook, I have reconnected with some great folks conversly I have had to ignore a few jokers. *Sigh*

7-I am trying hard to track this month’s spending!

8-I am trying hard to not shop for myself!

9-J has a viritual dog.  Her name is Tyesha.  Don’t ask.  My younger cousin set up the dog’s profile.

10-Speaking of #9, why do I find myself walking and feeding Tyesha early in the morning and late at night.

Curls & Cupcakes

I spent most of Saturday preparing for J’s first day of kindergarten.  The day started off with going to get her hair washed and curled.  During the summer, each time I washed her hair I promised her that I would let her wear her hair “out” on the first day of school.  So being a mom of my word, we were off and running.  After 2 hours we had curls!  *Fingers crossed*  I hope we still have curls on Monday morning.

Fast forward to the same evening.  I thought it would be fun for J and I to make cupcakes.  Just J and mommy time.  J had a ball!  She loved adding the water and cracking eggs to the dry mix.  She had a blast using the electric hand mixer to mix up the batter.  Together we prepared the cupcakes and sat-in anticipation of our yummy baked creations.  No tv, computer or phone interruptions just me enjoying quality time with my favorite girl.  After getting frosting all over our hands, we each had one cupcake and we then decided to whom and how we would distribute our cupcakes. 

While writing this post, I wonder if J enjoyed baking with me as much as enjoyed it with her?  Would this become a beginning of the school year tradition?

Whatever the case and however we decide to celebrate the first days of school.  I thoroughly enjoy evenings like this.  They are yummier and sweeter than any freshly baked cupcake.

Gratitude List-#1

A wise woman once suggested that when feeling lonely, down and anxious I should list all those items that I am grateful for.  The other evening I felt a little raw and below is the beginning of my list.

1-my healthy daughter

2-my two parents

3-great supportive family and friends

4-choices

5-my daughter’s laugh

6-school shopping

7-paying off one outstanding bill

8-a crystal blue sky

9-freedom of religion

10-a bla.ck.ber.ry message from a dear cousin

What are you grateful for today?

Fancy Feet

Recent conversation between my 5 year old and her dad:

JJ:   Dad do you see the decorations on my shoes?

Dad:   Yes, they are very nice.

JJ:   You know this one says I love boys!

Dad:   Yeah!

JJ:   Dad, but I only love two boys–you and Jus.tin Bi.eber!

Dad:   You better!  *cheesy smile*

*Sigh, she is such a daddy’s girl*

A new season

I heart this time of year.

The fall is a time that school starts and leaves fall from the trees…a time of new beginnings and great anticipation.  Personally, I am so excited that JJ is beginning kindergarten. I am so hyped! Last night, we met her kindergarten teacher and I don’t know whose smile was wider hers, mine or her dad.

Finally, I feel like that she and I are finally getting into a groove. While she learning to read and write.  I am learning self acceptance and independence. 

Should I mention that I have signed up for a few PTA committees and JJ will start soccer, swimming classes and Sunday school. Side bar, I guess I am officially a soccer mom.  Wow!

What fun does the fall bring?  New beginnings with great anticipation…fall I am ready.

Consider it Joy!

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds  [James 1:2 (NIV)]

Over the past couple of months I have been unable to sleep.  My minds races which makes it impossible to get a peaceful night’s sleep.  I guess some actions and recent conversations have solidified some some feelings I’d been having.  Maybe some prayers are being answered.

I am coming to realize that my happiness can only be determined by me.  I can’t depend on anyone to change my situation.  Change requires thoughts and actions.  All of which are all available to me. 

Yes, I know I have been upset, betrayed, hurt, crapped on, abused and disappointed.  Fine and acknowledged.  The problem is that I let these negatives define and affect my life.  I get so immersed in wanting and expecting to feel bad that sometimes I feel like my life is passing me by.

No more.  Today, I reclaim my life.  I know with and in my heart God has spared me.  I know that God loves me.

God challenges confirm that my comfort should not be in man but in God’s love, stability and faithfulness.

I am only taking one step today.  That’s all.  In my quiet moments, God’s word is “take care of yourself”.  I keep hearing the same profound word repeated to me daily.  Specifically, He tells me “take care of yourself and the rest will follow”.  I am going to stay still and listen to this message.

If only for just today I am considering it all joy!

A Look Back

I will be the first to admit that during the past decade I experienced probably the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.  In 2000, I met the man that I would fall in love with, I would marry and have a child with.  The same man would ultimately deceive me and commit adultery.  At the end of the decade, we would be separated from mid 2008 to the present.

The separation and impeding divorce took a toll on me physically (gained 60 pounds), emotionally (boarderline obsessed with the whys & hows) and financially (savings depleted).  Many days I ached inside.  Many days I wondered if I truly would ever be happy.

On January 3, 2010 I can stand up and shout “I made it”. Yes, some days are rough but I made it.  And my fruit is my beautiful, intelligent, funny 5 year old daughter.  Looking and talking to her makes me realize that I did the right thing and that was saving me 1st.  I know that remaining in my marriage would have killed my soul.  She is a living, breathing testament to what I did and what I am doing right.

Also, credit must go to my fabulous mother, family and friends.  My support system embodies the phrase “ride or die”.  No matter what or when; they are always here for me.  Nothing is out of the question.  Adversity is a filter that helps deceifer those who really love you.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention how my spirituality has grown in the last year.  I am seeking a strong relationship with God and I talk to Him everyday.  I am thankful!  Yes, I am thankful!  For it is now that I understand that even through this trial I am so very, very blessed.  It now I know how Faith & Favor works.  I now know the importance of living for oneself.

As Whi.tne.y sings “I’d thought I’d break but I didn’t know my own strength”. I am committing 2010 to renewal & rebuilding.  I am hoping that this blog will assist me in my journey.  I have started and restarted this blog on a couple of occasions but I am confident that the third will be THE CHARM.

Who’s that Lady?

She is a mother, daughter and lover

She is a writer, thinker and mentor

She is a seeker, worker and doer

She is…

She is humble.

She is scared.

She is anxious.

She is hurt.

She is going fight & win

She is going to achieve & conquer

She is going to move forward & be proud

She is going to find peace & find love

She is Me!

Simple Joy

For so much of my life I lived searching for joy. I believed joy were those Big things. Owning a home. Having a fabulous career. Buying a designer watch. Finding that special someone. Sharing your life with your spouse. Don’t get me wrong I have achieved many of those things. Looking back those things did not bring me sustained joy.

What I am learning is that joy comes from the simple things. Thinking of the simple, places a smile on my face every time.

Joy for me is:
~~the fullness of my daughter’s laughter
~~the warmth in my mom’s voice
~~the promise in the artwork of my daughter’s classmates
~~the realness of a Ji.ll S.cott lyric
~~the calming of a warm bubble bath
~~the excitement of a dear friend’s promotion
~~the taste of warm bacon
~~the humor of a text message from my best friend

Simple but all so special!  The following lyrics sum it up:

 “Now that I am in this joy I can rest. Now my heart can hold the love He has given me” Joy by Rash.aan P.atterson

Is My Mic On?

First, let me say that blogging is fascinating to me.  I can spend an entire day just lurking blog sites.  From fashion to culture. From motherhood to beauty.  From health to gossip.  I HEART blogging.

It  is just so interesting to read and follow someone’s every day life.  For me, blogging reinforces that my everyday struggles are not just mine.  There are many women dealing with divorce; struggling with weight; determining their future and enjoying the joy of single motherhood.

So with much thoughtfulness I have decided to recommit and rejoin the world of blogging.

Where do I go from here?  Well I would like to use this blog as MY online journal to chronicle my progress of being a women who is truly “living her life like platinum”.

I am sure that as both the blog and I evolve my Lulu lists’ will take on lives on their own.

Hugs!